The Tree

As I sit outside on my deck, the sun shines, birds sing, and leaves dance with the wind. My mind is scattered and wants to wander to the many things on my to-do list, but I crave these little moments between nature and myself. I especially enjoy it when I can feel God’s peace wrap tightly around me, reminding me of a moment I had with Him a few months ago that I still haven’t fully put to words.

So while I rest on this Sabbath day setting aside the things I need to do for another day, I share something I think many of us can relate to. A small moment in my life that relates to purpose and the all too common feeling that I'm lacking. This moment led to a beaded letter necklace that I made at a women’s retreat that says: “Joy, you have more purpose than a tree.”

During a planned alone time with God, I ventured outside in my polka-dot rain boots and walked down a dirt road alongside a horse pasture. The horses were at the end of the pasture eating grass, and I found myself standing next to the fence watching them. I tried to pray but felt out of sorts and didn’t understand why. All that kept pressing on me was that I felt purposeless, which seemed crazy since I just came out of some great conversations with the other women at the retreat. I had even led a conversation on prayer!

But here I was, gazing at horses, in a beautiful place while wondering what the point of my life was. Why did God create me? What did He create me for? Why did He choose me? And was I even on the right path? Deep-rooted questions that there aren’t really good answers for, at least not ones that we fully comprehend, especially when we feel like all we’re doing is trying to survive the daily grind.

One of the horses came my way and interrupted my quiet pondering. For a minute, I thought this horse might be God’s way of speaking to me. Maybe even similar to how the donkey speaks to Balaam in the Bible (Numbers 22:21-34). But, no, the horse was just a horse in this moment. He was just curious to know who I was, and he quickly ran off once a dog started charging down the road towards me.

Yes, a dog, who was also curious about me, came running down the road straight at me, stopped a few feet from me, turned around, and ran back the way he came from! It took a couple of minutes for my heart to calm down from thinking the dog was going to knock me over and maul me to death. My peace was interrupted.

I tried to rally peace with the horses once again, and it almost worked until a woman started yelling at the horses from the other side of the pasture. She knew I was there too, but that didn’t stop her from yelling at the horses to listen to her over and over again. So I gave up on the horses and started to walk back towards the house. My peace was interrupted.

Near the house, I walked behind it and found a nice spot to sit that faced the pasture and the mountainous hills behind it. The area was beautiful, and I was hoping to enjoy more of the outdoors in solitude with the expectation that God was going to speak to me there. But He didn’t speak there. Instead, I was met with the yelling woman and her dog again. My peace was interrupted.

Now I was having other feelings, irritated ones. I walked back to the house frustrated, went straight to my room, and sat down trying to shake off the irritation. I was trying to have a good God moment but nothing around me was cooperating.

Not wanting to give up, I moved to the bed in front of the bedroom window. Even though I was indoors, the picture window gave me enough view of the hills and pasture that it felt like I was outdoors. I propped up the pillows against the wall and continued to ponder my purpose as I listened for God in the silence.

His voice didn’t come audibly, but He did direct my eyes to a tree that stood alone in the grass in front of the pasture just outside my window. It wasn’t anything special either. It was just an ordinary tree, maybe even a little sad looking. And then I felt it. I heard Him speak to my heart through that tree.

This is what I wrote on a scratch piece of paper in that moment:

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a purpose. Life is mindless. But a tree stands tall in one spot, moving only with the wind. It just stands there being still, yet has many purposes - oxygen, shelter, food. My purpose may not always be in action. It comes from stillness. It comes from my love of others and my love of Jesus. A tree doesn’t share on purpose - it just does it naturally and in all its simplicity.”

In this moment, I was reminded that my life isn’t about having some grand, extraordinary purpose. My purpose comes in the stillness and in the quietness, not in the noise or overly busyness. I don’t have to strive very hard to fulfill my purpose - it comes to me naturally because it's how God created me. It isn't my purpose to live an extraordinary life for God. My purpose is to live in such a way that points to my extraordinary God! My purpose is to love Him with all that I am and to love others in such a way that shines His light and love.

Every tree is unique in its own way and is weathered differently, but they all have a common purpose. Similiar to how a tree puts off oxygen, I can breathe out joy to others. Similiar to how a tree provides shelter for animals, I can share my life with others, even the really hard stuff. Similiar to how a tree offers food for birds and insects, I can be hospitable to those around me, regardless of who they are. And similiar to how a tree displays its beauty, especially in its imperfections, I can shine brightly of Jesus in a world that sometimes feels so very dark. The wind will come, but I can stand tall, rooted in faith, through it all.

xo

P.S. Sometimes you simply have to move from where you think you will get answers from God and get situated in another spot so you can see from a different vantage point.